HAZMAT HOUSEKEEPING REQUIRED

Fkness score: 33/100 — COOKED · Category: landlord · Filed by anonymous

The situation

Landlord says he's 'popping round' tomorrow and my flat is a crime scene

Your flat doesn't need a clean, it needs a forensics team.

The read

He's popping round, you're popping a blood vessel. Tonight you become a professional cleaner with zero training.

Damage report

• Damage: 25
• Own fault: 90
• Humiliation: 60
• Wallet damage: 15
• Fixability: 90
• Survival odds: 90%
• Recovery time: One very long night
• Worst case: He finds the thing under the sofa.

Rescue plan

1. Check your contract: most require 24 hours written notice.
2. Focus on bins, kitchen, bathroom — landlords judge those.
3. Open every window now.
4. Photograph any existing damage before he arrives.

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